The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need a beard to bite.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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