Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
