There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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