I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
