If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
