i think my tv is drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
