Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
