Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
