New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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