what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
