i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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