she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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