I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
