I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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