If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
