party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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