i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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