so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
