"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently you make a good broom.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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