He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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