there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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