3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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