taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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