benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
