Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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