one two three fourrrrnication!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
