Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
