You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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