Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize