puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
