Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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