i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
