I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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