Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
