And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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