The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
