yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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