census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
