i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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