Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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