My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
