She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
