Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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