it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
