It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
