every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
