I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My hand turned me down
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
