Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The air was thick with penises
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize