JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
