Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
