at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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