I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i will never coherently bang her
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
