we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Holy sore nipples Batman
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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