i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
