I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
