Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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