he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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