...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
