Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
