how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
