So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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