he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
