the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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