He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
