seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
