Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
