remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
