What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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