TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
