Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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