Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize