so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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