okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize