Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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