She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
