weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
