i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
