my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize