dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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