The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
