They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
