Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
