Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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